Phew! What a challenging week it has been. For the last 7 days my husband has been unwell and getting progressively worse. He is the most healthiest person I know, in 20 years I can count on one hand the amount of times he has been sick so to see him in this state and rapidly declining was frightening to say the least. I felt completely helpless and at a loss as to how to comfort him. If I could have taken him onto my lap and rocked him like I have done with our children on numerous occasions I would have.
A second trip to the Doctor's this morning saw us being sent straight to ED. As the day stretched out before us there were many questions asked, history and obs taken, other patients coming and going and still we were there. All symptoms pointed to a neurological problem and so began an order of elimination. When a CT scan of the brain was mentioned to rule out the possibility of something nasty my heart clutched and my breath caught. Having to pick the kids up from school gave me the chance for some fresh air.
Up until then I had refused to even entertain the worse but on that lonesome drive to the school my mind started to wander. I have to admit that there was a moment there when I questioned what we would do if we were facing some serious illness. How we would cope with not having family around to pick up the slack or lend support. It's at times like this that not having family close by really hits home! Could I ask so much of friends if I had to? I had to pull over, I couldn't see through the tears. I sat in my car with the rain pounding down and felt completely deflated. I sobbed my little heart out, it felt strangely cleansing, then I prayed like I have never prayed before. Telling our children their dad was in the hospital was hard, I felt sick to my stomach. As nervous as I was about what the test results may show I put on a brave face and tried the best I could to play it down and ease their fears.
What was supposed to be an hours wait for the results dragged out to one hour, then two, then was creeping to three. Each minute felt like an eternity that I hope I never have to live again. Thankfully the scan results were clear!! On hearing the news I expelled a breath I hadn't realised I was holding. The sense of relief was huge!!
At this point Doctors are still unsure as to what is/was wrong. There is some speculation that medication prescribed on Monday to lessen the symptoms actually worsened them but who really knows.
All I know is that tonight I am extremely grateful for all that I have.
Thanks for listening, a hot shower and warm, cosy bed are calling my name.